Beginning again (and again)
Thoughts on returning to 'school', adult learning and a blessing for beginning again
Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening.
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
(From For a New Beginning, John O’Donohue, Benedictus, A Book of Blessings)
The morning air holds a slight chill. Swallows have begun to gather on the telephone wires. Their distinctive call echoes across the nearby green. Fresh-faced children, in pristine new uniforms, join the parade of people marching towards the open school gates. Autumn steals in slowly.
I have begun my own ‘school’ preparations in earnest. I could not quantify the hours I have spent reading, researching, and writing over the years and I’m not done yet! Maybe I am a late bloomer, or a Peter Pan determined not to grow up.
This year I will enter my 8th year of part-time study as an adult learner. This signals either fortitude or another misguided attempt to find my way into a seemingly elusive personal niche.
I have at times become frustrated, excited, anxious or even ashamed to be an adult still finding my place in the world. My story is one of many privileges and also many opportunities. Could I have done better with what I have been given? Like many people in midlife the preceding years have also been shot through with disappointment, loss, broken dreams and disillusionment. Here I am again, forming my plans, forging ahead into an uncertain future.
Next week I will pack my ‘school’ bag and return to class, clasping my plans and my hopes lightly. I have learned, the hard way, that this is the best posture to hold. I have been considering what I would say to someone else in my shoes and I have penned here my own blessing/ pep talk. Maybe you could benefit from it too.
Here you are again, at the threshold of new beginnings.
A new college year, a new placement, and many new challenges.
You will be tested here-
Your courage,
Your integrity,
Your mind,
Your stamina.
You will fail, fall down, disappoint yourself, disappoint others.
You will be slow to learn things that others quickly grasp.
You will be confronted with your insecurities, your limitations, your immaturity, and your weaknesses.
Don’t give up.
Keep going.
You may often feel overwhelmed -
By the immensity of what you don’t know,
by the enormity of questions, that you too, struggle with,
by sadness and burdens that are not easily carried or cured.
Take heart dear one.
Have courage.
You are not the answer to the world’s problems.
Yes, it’s true, what a relief.
Yet you may be a salve, a soft place to land, a shelter for those in the storm.
But, do not mistake this honourable role, with the tales of superheroes who save.
That my friend, is not your part to play.
Live every day, with the knowledge, that it is a gift given to you.
You will not pass this way again, these people, this path, these problems.
They are all temporary, fleeting, fading away.
Treasure the little joys each day.
The smiles, the changing seasons, the connections, and the fresh insights.
Do your best.
The best that you can do today, within the constraints of your humanity.
Give yourself fully to the work, to this season and time.
Be humble. Admit your mistakes. Listen well.
Wisdom springs up in ordinary places, that may surprise you still.
Have compassion on yourself-
For the fears, that threaten to drown you.
For your inexperience, which leaves you feeling so inadequate for the task.
For the seemingly endless list of things that you need to learn and unlearn.
You have done this before- walked into rooms afraid, written words daunted by the task, started conversations not knowing what to say.
Let Love lead you. Love knows the way. Let Love guide you when you cannot see and don’t know. Trust, even and especially, when your faith is small and fragile.
Let Love be your home and resting place.
Be grateful for the opportunities. Begin and end the day with gratitude. Collect the rich tapestry of moments to bolster your faith for the new day.
Be vulnerable and ask for help. Let your courage carry you into the arms of goodness, generosity and friendship.
Learn to love your life as it is. The challenges, the grief, the beautiful and messy bits alike. You are here. You are alive- what a glorious gift.
You can do it, face this moment, and the next and all the ones that follow.
Is there anything you would add? a wish, a blessing, or a word of wisdom for a new beginning? I’d love to hear it!
(As I return to my final year of university (hopefully!!!) and undertake the particular gymnastic course of a Masters in Chaplaincy I will show up less here. I hope to continue to write once a month engaging in the craft of writing, cultivating my own wonder in the world and offering my reflections on the ordinary and the wonderful. Thank you for following along. May we all embrace beginning again and again with much courage, whatever our beginning looks like)
All you can do is your best 😘
I'm in a time of uncertainty myself. Wishing you best of luck with the new school year